Dear Husband, I'm not the same girl you married,

Jenny/ September 11, 2019/ Family Life

Dear Husband, I’m not the same girl you married
 

 

First off, I’d like to tell you that I really thought I knew who I was the day I said”I do.” But I didn’t! I thought I was wise and completely certain of the decisions I was making. I wasn’t. 

I had my life mapped out and it included you and me for forever, but was painfully void of children, grandchildren and the need for friends. I really thought we just needed us. I was wrong. 

I thought I knew about God and what importance He held in my life. I didn’t realize then that God doesn’t need my perfection, He longs for my faithfulness instead.

I really thought that I had it all figured out, but guess what? I didn’t!

 

I’m here to say, I’m not the same girl you married almost 19 years ago and dare I say it? I’m so thankful for that! 

 

That girl was incredibly selfish, self-centered, very shortsighted. That girl was willing to go through her whole life with no baby snuggles, no sleepless nights and definitely no stretch marks and saggy tummy. That girl would have missed the world.

This girl I am now is not so thin, so wrinkle free or so carefree, but she is more patient, more loving and a whole lot more forgiving. She has tired lines around her eyes and spur of the moment romantic trips are off the table for awhile but she loves you now more than life. 

She notices the little things that you do that say you think of her. I know you don’t buy her expensive flowers or jewelry anymore. She’s fine with that! She’d rather have the little splurges you get her at the grocery store of hidden chocolate or fancy coffee☕????????. She’s changed!

I have to be honest there’s not much about me that’s the same as when we married. Even my love for you was pretty selfish. But this crazy busy, stressful, amazing season in our life has taught me many things and I’m still learning.

 

I’m learning that romance is wayyyy more than a feeling and even though we fall into bed exhausted every night, I still want and need you.

 

I’m learning to control my gag reflex because honestly now what would have made me throw up 15 years ago now doesn’t even faze me (think toddler’s boogers and other gross bodily fluids).

I thought I knew how to be a great wife. I didn’t, but God’s grace has made me better! (I’m still improving though, so continue to be patient).

I thought I knew how to parent the children I never wanted. I didn’t, but God didn’t allow me to remain in my foolishness. It took my Dad going home to Jesus to see that I really did want a baby and now 4 wonderful, exhausting, incredible blessings later I truly cannot imagine I was once so… stupid…yes, I actually said that and it’s true!

I thought I knew who I was but thankfully I didn’t have a clue who God wanted me to be. 

So, yes I’m not at all the same girl I once was. I’m not the same girl you married and I praise God everyday for that!

Signed, 

Your loving wife who just fell asleep in the bathtub